Each and every week I find myself growing into a stronger and better person in life. I have to thank this class for most of my personal growth because I've learned how to have compassion on others, through this class. Two weeks ago I told you all about my friend who has found out that she is now HIV positive. Last weekend my friend asked me if I would like to join her as she gave her parents the news of her diagnosis.
As I had previously promised my friend, I told her I'd be there with her whenever she needed me. As we drove to her parent's home she was very nervous about how they would conceive her and how they would now treat her. Sitting in her livingroom, she began to cry so hard, her parents knew something was wrong with her. She finally managed to tell her parents she was HIV positive. Much to my surprise. Her parent's reacted just as we hoped they wouldn't. Her mom began to cry, and her dad's face went sour. They began to scold her for not being responsible. Her mom began to scream at her and call her things, I could never imagine my mom ever saying to me.
It was at this point that I was able to share information I've learned in this class with her parents. I enlightened them on different support groups and how my friend could become a spokesperson and share her story with other young people. Her parent's were still a bit startled about all of the news they'd received but after I shared information with them that I'd learned from this class and by reading other's blogs...they realized it was not the end of the world for their daughter.
Did you know...
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported 40,049 cumulative cases of AIDS among people ages 13 to 24 through 2004 and of course these numbers are growing daily (CDC, 2005).
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, most young adults are afraid to tell their parents they are HIV positive and some even wait months after they have found out about the virus, before they tell their parents.
I believe a lot of young people fear their parent's reactions, but it is important for them to let their parent's know their situation.
This class has taught me so much, I love being able to share what I have learned and reading what others have learned as well.
I totally agree with most people are afraid of telling their parents bad news becaue they fear their reaction. I know I would also hard time telling my parents that I was positive beacause I would first be afraid of what they would think of me. I know I would evenually have their support but it would be the initial disappointment that would kill me.
ReplyDeleteI’m so sorry to hear about the poor reaction of your friend’s parents. I don’t know what kind of cultural or religious baggage they had going on behind their reaction, but it is quite a shock and they will need time. It’s good that you could be there with knowledge and a cooler head. I imagine this is the closest thing for a young straight person coming out as gay to his or her parents. You almost never know for sure how the “news” is going to be accepted.
ReplyDeleteWhen I tested positive in 1985, I was living 1,400 miles away from my parents, and telling them was something that I didn’t want to do over the phone. As life would have it, every time I would plan a vacation to go and tell them, my late partner Dennis would get sick and have to go to the hospital, so I would have to cancel my plans.
It was a good year and a half before I told my parents. Dennis was in the hospital, and the doctors feared he wouldn’t make it. I was forced to tell my parents over the phone. Ironically, they took it fine, but I came unglued. It was the first time I actually allowed myself to cry about it. I think I was mostly crying because I felt shame, and felt like I had let them down.
My father’s first reaction was to buy a newer used care that would make the drive to where we lived, so they could come to us. Dennis fooled the doctors and pulled through, and my parents came to spend a week with us. Dennis had an AIDS diagnosis, and managed to live three years with it, which was a long-term survivor back in the 80s. I have not crossed that threshold to an AIDS diagnosis, and my dad told me that I would be alright, and wouldn’t go on to AIDS like Dennis.
My mother died at 59, less than a year after Dennis, and my father’s subsequent wife has died, and I take care of my dad now, who is almost 85. I turned 57 yesterday and was told in 1985 that I wouldn’t live to see 40. Funny how life works.
I am sorry about the reaction the parents had. I think that if the world was better educated, people might be more supportive. I think you have done a great job in being supportive. I would hope to have friends like you. You should be proud of yourself I know I am of you.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your friend has such a horrible reaction while telling her parents. But if it weren't for you being there staying calm, cool and collected can you imagine what would be going on in that house.
ReplyDeleteIt is said that newly infected people can't tell their parents of the news because they are scared of what might be said or their reactions. In that amount of time of not telling their parents especially the young ones they could have been going to doctors, getting support or even using their parents insurance.
Your friend is very lucky to have you by her side. Its a shame that her parents were so rough with her but its a great thing you were there to give them the information they needed to get through the news. The most positive thing that came out of this situation was now their daughter has a clear view of how she needs to move forward and start living. Good for you for caring!
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